are you a quirkyalone?

Unbeknownst to me, I am "very quirkyalone", at least according to Sasha Cagen, the proud singleton who coined the name, gave voice to the movement, and (literally) wrote the book on the subject: "Quirkyalone: A Manifesto for Uncompromising Romantics".

What is a quirkyalone, you ask? Both a noun and an adjective, a quirkyalone is "a person who enjoys being single (but is not opposed to being in a relationship) and generally prefers to be alone rather than dating for the sake of being in a couple. With unique traits and an optimistic spirit; a sensibility that transcends relationship status."

I'll assume by my "very quirkyalone" score of 91 on the QA Quiz that even the most orthodox quirkyalones succumb to occasional lapses into pessimism and spectacular outbursts or romantic melancholy.

I was quite surprised to discover that I am in fact the poster girl for quirkyalone-ness. At first blush, being quirkyalone seemed rather swish to me; as unattainable as being part of the "in" crowd in high school. Truth is, those cool kids in high school probably those least likely to be quirkyalones, given their propensity to exchange boyfriends as unceremoniously as pots of lip balm.

Okay, so describing my personal life as "desiccated" doesn't exactly scream of "happy to be alone until I find someone suitable", but as far as I can tell that definition doesn't say anything about not bitching about the "alone" part of your quirkiness from time to time. And when they say "enjoy" does that mean all the time?

While I have dated my share of Mr. Wrongs, I must admit that – despite my gloomy assessment of the receptiveness of male specimens in the dating field – I must concede that if I really wanted to I could be dating someone I considered totally and utterly undesirable on all accounts. But who wants that? Quirkyalones certainly don't want that. Why, you ask? Because quirkyalones don't settle.

Cagen estimates that the rare breed makes up only 5 percent of the population and believes that the quirkyalones have always existed; it's only now in the afterglow of Ally McBeal and Sex and the City that the status has adopted its rightful, dignified air. In her recent book "To-Do List" Cager eloquently classified her caste:

In a world where proms and marriage define the social order, we are, by force of our personalities and inner strength, rebels.

For the quirkyalone, there is no patience for dating just for the sake of not being alone. We want a miracle. Out of millions, we have to find the one who will understand.

Do non-quirkyalones do really engage in empty relationship after empty relationship for the sake of being in a couple? That's definitely not me. Maybe I am quirkyalone.

For ages, relatives and friends have encouraged me to "date casually", just for a fun time, claiming it will do me good. I've tried to oblige, and found it incredibly taxing. The truth is, I'm far too romantic for that. To me, that's always seemed like a colossal waste of time, energy, and outfits.

Card-carrying quirkyalones simply opt for lonely alone rather than lonely together. Now, that doesn't make quirkyalones spinsters or asexual, destined for the nunnery. No, as trying as our singlehood may be, holding to that which is difficult, we seek momentous meetings and significant others.

Maybe quirkyalone is just fancy for picky.

reverse psychology.

Has anyone ever told you, “Stop looking to meet someone, and you just might find him?” The person offering that (usually unsolicited) advice was probably your mother or a happily coupled friend or relative who’s been an “us” for so long that they’ve forgotten what it’s like to be single.

Perhaps more irritating than their advice is the fact that this little bit of counsel is true.

How the hell are you supposed to consciously not think of something!? Admittedly, it’s a tricky state of mind – and the longer you’re single the harder it gets - but apparently if you can manage to occupy yourself with having a “full life”, you might just find that you’re too busy to spend much-needed time and energy contemplating the marriage potential of every man you encounter.

I’ve actually experienced the effects of this relationship reverse psychology firsthand once or twice. No, it can’t be one of those instances when you deliberately pretend not to be thinking about meeting someone so as to increase the odds of stumbling across your dream man. You know what I mean, when you’re out with the girls, looking (conveniently) spectacular, engaging in lively chick chatter but all the while keeping your eyes and ears tuned and at the ready for the man you weren’t hoping to meet. That, my friend, doesn’t count.

Most people have the refuge of work; at least eight hours a day where they can submerge themselves in peace. As you can imagine, in my line of work as a Special Events Consultant (specializing masochistically in weddings) it can be extremely challenging for a woman to keep her mind off of men, marriage and “happily ever after”. Yes, as my own personal life migrates further into “shambles” territory it becomes exceedingly difficult to squelch my urge to vomit each time I see a new client sporting her distressingly handsome fiancé, or witness one more smug woman rub her pregnant belly with pride.

Changing my line of work isn’t an option; even with its frequent reminder of the romantic vacuum that is my life, I do enjoy most parts of my job most of the time. But there’s still that tiny problem of having caustic feelings toward couples combined with the impulse to molest each dishy man I see.

“Stop looking, blah, blah, blah…” Despite my distaste for it, I can’t dismiss this nagging tidbit of relationship wisdom.

I’ve decided to lose myself (or maybe find myself?) in the wee bit of spare time that I do have – outside the gym and work – by lending my excess energy volunteering for a worthy association. Of course I haven’t quite narrowed down what that opportunity might be… I’m thinking maybe dog-walker for the SPCA, or something to do with the event-planning of a local film festival… Yeah, I know, it’s supposed to be selfless, but I’ll be a much keener do-gooder if I can at least have a little fun.

And of course I’m not looking for a cause where selfless, handsome, eligible men might also be in abundance. Although if they happen to be there I certainly won’t complain…