What's the deal behind this bluntly titled book? It mocked me. I cowered. But I finally read it...
For almost six weeks I have carried around the slender, no-nonsense manual to understanding
men.
From Halifax to San Francisco, from work to the coffee shop, from the kitchen to the heap of harshly truthful 'must-reads' beside my bed. Yet with all this mileage, I never got beyond the bluntly accurate title: He's Just Not That Into You.
I could tell you that I was just too busy dating fabulous men who showered me with attention and adoration to get to the business of reading this book. I could tell you that, but that would be staggeringly dishonest. I must admit that I was slightly offended after hearing about the authors' appearance on the Oprah Winfrey Show and recalling the shocking episode of Sex and the City where the 'he's just not that into you' bomb was originally dropped. Men Know how to use the phone! (Who knew!?) No - it couldn't be true! This must be a conspiracy against women so that any depraved dating offenses committed by men could be easily explained and cast away with a simple six-word excuse. Surely all men weren't as one-dimensional, shallow and obtuse as this book claimed. I could comprehend the fact that not every man would be interested in dating me, but they must have reasons - don't they?
Indignant, I clung to my hope that the majority of men had complex feelings - or at the very least logical processes - when it came to judging relationships. But all the while, I continued to tote a haunting bundle of pages dressed in a jacket cover that proclaimed otherwise.
A few days ago, I reflected on the history of my own actual dating experiences. In the name of clarity, I momentarily suspended my idealist notions that men and women in fact belong to the same species when it comes to romance. Many times, I had been drawn down a road of despair and confusion, perplexed beyond belief trying to figure out 'why?'
And then it hit me: maybe authors Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo were on to something. Maybe I was wasting energy trying to figure out lost causes. Maybe I should give their simple solution a chance.
Opening the book (and my mind) I ventured into the official 'No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys'. Here I had believed that men I dated in the past suffered from chronically poor dating etiquette, or crippling fear of commitment. Nope. According to the man who takes on the colossal pressure of representing all men by speaking the truth to an audience of scorned women, the simple answer is most likely. Greg says that more often than not, the actual answer to 'why' (the question which agitates so many women) is: 'He's just not that into you.'
In sixteen chapters, Greg and Liz hammer away through denial, misplaced faith, unrequited love, and obstinacy to reveal one simple, yet incredibly liberating truth. Contrary to my prejudices against the book and everything it stood for, the case-study analysis of the most common why-inducing scenarios doesn't attempt to excuse insensitivity on the part of men.
Disappearing acts, not calling, not having sex with you, having sex with someone else... Greg openly admits that men are often thick, sometimes crude and frequently spineless.
On the bright side, he assures us that good guys actually do exist. Even better, he consistently delivers the message that if we free ourselves from the prison of analyzing the 'not into you' men, we just might be receptive to the guys who will treat us with the love and respect we deserve. (It would seem that they aren't an urban legend; apparently they roam freely, mixed in with the riff-raff!)
Besides the practical format, featuring non-scientific polls of men as testimony to what guys do (and do not) do when they are into you, the book is also wickedly funny, as you can't help but laugh at the silly excuses we women come up with to protect our hearts and egos, and the men who bruise them.
Okay, so it's a light, fluffy read, but it is also pretty empowering. This book gives great insight into the 'other half' of the species. I have been converted; its popularity is deserved.
I don't cart the book around with me anymore, but I may refer to it from time to time if I start questioning bad behavior instead of kicking it to the curb where it belongs.
about the book
He's Just Not That Into You
(2003) - By Greg Behrendt - Published by Simon & Schuster Adult Publishing Group
For almost six weeks I have carried around the slender, no-nonsense manual to understanding
men.
From Halifax to San Francisco, from work to the coffee shop, from the kitchen to the heap of harshly truthful 'must-reads' beside my bed. Yet with all this mileage, I never got beyond the bluntly accurate title: He's Just Not That Into You.
I could tell you that I was just too busy dating fabulous men who showered me with attention and adoration to get to the business of reading this book. I could tell you that, but that would be staggeringly dishonest. I must admit that I was slightly offended after hearing about the authors' appearance on the Oprah Winfrey Show and recalling the shocking episode of Sex and the City where the 'he's just not that into you' bomb was originally dropped. Men Know how to use the phone! (Who knew!?) No - it couldn't be true! This must be a conspiracy against women so that any depraved dating offenses committed by men could be easily explained and cast away with a simple six-word excuse. Surely all men weren't as one-dimensional, shallow and obtuse as this book claimed. I could comprehend the fact that not every man would be interested in dating me, but they must have reasons - don't they?
Indignant, I clung to my hope that the majority of men had complex feelings - or at the very least logical processes - when it came to judging relationships. But all the while, I continued to tote a haunting bundle of pages dressed in a jacket cover that proclaimed otherwise.
A few days ago, I reflected on the history of my own actual dating experiences. In the name of clarity, I momentarily suspended my idealist notions that men and women in fact belong to the same species when it comes to romance. Many times, I had been drawn down a road of despair and confusion, perplexed beyond belief trying to figure out 'why?'
And then it hit me: maybe authors Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo were on to something. Maybe I was wasting energy trying to figure out lost causes. Maybe I should give their simple solution a chance.
Opening the book (and my mind) I ventured into the official 'No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys'. Here I had believed that men I dated in the past suffered from chronically poor dating etiquette, or crippling fear of commitment. Nope. According to the man who takes on the colossal pressure of representing all men by speaking the truth to an audience of scorned women, the simple answer is most likely. Greg says that more often than not, the actual answer to 'why' (the question which agitates so many women) is: 'He's just not that into you.'
In sixteen chapters, Greg and Liz hammer away through denial, misplaced faith, unrequited love, and obstinacy to reveal one simple, yet incredibly liberating truth. Contrary to my prejudices against the book and everything it stood for, the case-study analysis of the most common why-inducing scenarios doesn't attempt to excuse insensitivity on the part of men.
Disappearing acts, not calling, not having sex with you, having sex with someone else... Greg openly admits that men are often thick, sometimes crude and frequently spineless.
On the bright side, he assures us that good guys actually do exist. Even better, he consistently delivers the message that if we free ourselves from the prison of analyzing the 'not into you' men, we just might be receptive to the guys who will treat us with the love and respect we deserve. (It would seem that they aren't an urban legend; apparently they roam freely, mixed in with the riff-raff!)
Besides the practical format, featuring non-scientific polls of men as testimony to what guys do (and do not) do when they are into you, the book is also wickedly funny, as you can't help but laugh at the silly excuses we women come up with to protect our hearts and egos, and the men who bruise them.
Okay, so it's a light, fluffy read, but it is also pretty empowering. This book gives great insight into the 'other half' of the species. I have been converted; its popularity is deserved.
I don't cart the book around with me anymore, but I may refer to it from time to time if I start questioning bad behavior instead of kicking it to the curb where it belongs.
about the book
He's Just Not That Into You
(2003) - By Greg Behrendt - Published by Simon & Schuster Adult Publishing Group 
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