reverse psychology.

Has anyone ever told you, “Stop looking to meet someone, and you just might find him?” The person offering that (usually unsolicited) advice was probably your mother or a happily coupled friend or relative who’s been an “us” for so long that they’ve forgotten what it’s like to be single.

Perhaps more irritating than their advice is the fact that this little bit of counsel is true.

How the hell are you supposed to consciously not think of something!? Admittedly, it’s a tricky state of mind – and the longer you’re single the harder it gets - but apparently if you can manage to occupy yourself with having a “full life”, you might just find that you’re too busy to spend much-needed time and energy contemplating the marriage potential of every man you encounter.

I’ve actually experienced the effects of this relationship reverse psychology firsthand once or twice. No, it can’t be one of those instances when you deliberately pretend not to be thinking about meeting someone so as to increase the odds of stumbling across your dream man. You know what I mean, when you’re out with the girls, looking (conveniently) spectacular, engaging in lively chick chatter but all the while keeping your eyes and ears tuned and at the ready for the man you weren’t hoping to meet. That, my friend, doesn’t count.

Most people have the refuge of work; at least eight hours a day where they can submerge themselves in peace. As you can imagine, in my line of work as a Special Events Consultant (specializing masochistically in weddings) it can be extremely challenging for a woman to keep her mind off of men, marriage and “happily ever after”. Yes, as my own personal life migrates further into “shambles” territory it becomes exceedingly difficult to squelch my urge to vomit each time I see a new client sporting her distressingly handsome fiancé, or witness one more smug woman rub her pregnant belly with pride.

Changing my line of work isn’t an option; even with its frequent reminder of the romantic vacuum that is my life, I do enjoy most parts of my job most of the time. But there’s still that tiny problem of having caustic feelings toward couples combined with the impulse to molest each dishy man I see.

“Stop looking, blah, blah, blah…” Despite my distaste for it, I can’t dismiss this nagging tidbit of relationship wisdom.

I’ve decided to lose myself (or maybe find myself?) in the wee bit of spare time that I do have – outside the gym and work – by lending my excess energy volunteering for a worthy association. Of course I haven’t quite narrowed down what that opportunity might be… I’m thinking maybe dog-walker for the SPCA, or something to do with the event-planning of a local film festival… Yeah, I know, it’s supposed to be selfless, but I’ll be a much keener do-gooder if I can at least have a little fun.

And of course I’m not looking for a cause where selfless, handsome, eligible men might also be in abundance. Although if they happen to be there I certainly won’t complain…